There’s a slew of books coming out about Asian mothers. It’s nothing new. Asian-Americans have been banking on airing their family’s dirty laundry for years. I noticed this genre first coming into prominence with Amy Tan’s Joy Luck Club. Asians stereotype their hospitable nature ("don’t rock the boat") by accommodating the host of the country in which they are attempting to integrate. What better way to put people at ease by talking about all things Asian? My concern is that as long as Asians continue to develop their narratives and experiences as Asians, audiences will continue to see them as Asians first, and individuals second. Everyone loves a Jhumpa Lahiri yarn about the hard life in India…even though she was born in London and moved to Rhode Island.
For example, you would rather hear how my family cooked bones to create a new dish to save from buying some fresh meat (I made that up), rather than my fascination with Andre Breton’s surrealistic poetry and how his images were resonant in the works of Luis Bunuel. It would make better copy to hear about how my training in martial arts (I have none) helped me overcome bullying as a child. It would put you at ease for me to make Ancient Chinese secret jokes as oppose to talking about the astute observation by Peter Wang (A Great Wall, Chan is Missing) that no Asian man can truly rise to the position of upper level management in corporate America.
So to put everyone at ease, Asian-Americans keep the boat steady and make fun of themselves the way outsiders would like to make fun of them, but are held back by our current PC climate. Margaret Cho used to do this exclusively, and to this day, I cross my fingers and pray whenever I see the next Asian stand-up comic. I hold my breath and hope they won’t cave in to the will of the masses. It must explain the purple pallor to my face. SFGate’s Jeff Yang writes "Black folks tell "yo momma" jokes; Asian folks tell "my momma" jokes." What Asians are telling non-Asians in this country is: "It’s OK to laugh at us. We are giving you the green light. In fact, we’ll cater to you so much we will adopt your accent to make fun of my parents’ accent."
The cliché is, "nobody respects you when you don’t respect yourself." I say "nobody respects your people when you don’t respect your own people." Whenever I hear an Asian person pander to non-Asians by adopting the stereotypes given to their race or making fun of their parents, they are, in essence, aligning themselves with the outsider, reassuring, "Look! I have successfully integrated! I’m with you. I’m not with them (their unassimilated parents)."
This uneasy duality and the accesses it gave to the predominant culture was the very reason Dave Chappelle went on a sabbatical to Africa.
The book that is kicking up the most free publicity is Amy Chua’s "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother." Since Chua was born and grew up in the midwest (Indiana, Illinois) it’s no surprise she’d adopt the view of the outsider looking in at her own ethnic parents. There are others. Lac Su’s I Love Yous Are for White People: A Memoir and Teresa and Serena Wu’s My Mom is a Fob: Earnest Advice in Broken English from Your Asian-American Mom ("FOB" by the way, is abbreviation for "Fresh Off the Boat" a term used by assimilated Asians to look down upon the unassimilated).
I think Chua’s book is practical in the sense they will help other first generation Asian kids identify, categorize, and cope with their parents’ brand of child-rearing. At the same time I believe you can’t really criticize an Asian parent for being Asian. They are merely using the tools they themselves were brought up with. They are doing what they were taught by their parents to be effective. Even though my parents were easy-going, even by American standards, I could easily write a book on some of the questionable methods my mother used to raise me. (I think any person from any culture could list some "issues") That’s not going to happen here. As much as it annoys me sometimes, I know she was only doing what she believed was best. (or what in her generation was considered to be the best) I often wished I was raised differently, but that’s a conjecture whose rewards can never be fathomed. I’d probably say the same thing if I was indeed raised differently.
Don’t judge a person’s technique by the predominant standard that you are currently surrounded by. Give consideration to their abilities by how much they have achieved using the tools available to them.
Tags: Amy Chua, Teresa Wu, Serena Wu, Battle Hym of the Tiger Mother, I love yous are for white people, my mom is a fob, Asian Americans, parenting, parenthood, Jeff Yang, Margaret Cho, bananas, Fobs, Lac Su
